I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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