He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
