and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
3pm strippers are depressing
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
