Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
