another moral hangover. fuck.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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