If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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