I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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