Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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