I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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