You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
