Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
