If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
