If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
