My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
