I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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