i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
