My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hippo gnu deer
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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