I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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