oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
