I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
