Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We don't watch enough power rangers
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
