apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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