Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
