3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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