i permit you to call me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
