May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
