I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Enjoy the penises
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
