tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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