I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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