How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize