flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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