dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
