Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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