i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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