I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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