blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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