My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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