So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
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we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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