My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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