Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
