after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
