Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
