I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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