Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
