it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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