Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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