he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i believe in u and ur pee
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
