I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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