They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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