She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
