I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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