Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
