I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have fence marks all over my body
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
