Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When are your genitals available?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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