Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i came on her dog
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
