the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
