Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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