I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
