Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh god it's open bar.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
