I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize