Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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