11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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