I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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