i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
