One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
