My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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