My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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