Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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