I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
