Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
