I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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