i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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