Duck Duck Cougar?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
