She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
