Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
