i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
