Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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