I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
