I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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