every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
