sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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