Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
