Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I cut my penus on the lid.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
