tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
